Sunday, March 9, 2008

a cancerous tumor

Art is cancer. Art has completely infected my entire being. It is as if I have a brain tumor that is growing in size every second of everyday. It is slowly making me go insane. I come home to rest from a 36 hour binge in the studio and all I think about is going back. Art is being an alcoholic. I lay down and my mind races. There are one hundred pieces of scrap paper on my bedside table. All of them scribbled with 2 am, 3am and 4 am notes. Notes which make no sense waking up in the morning after an hour's worth of sleep. I have to have a notepad on me at all times or I fear I will come up with a great idea or the solution to some problem and forget it in a second. When I don't have my note pad, the small square bar napkins are what infest my front and back pockets, and those are hard to organize. I have begun writing on my hand while driving, and after my hand is covered with the notes about art, ideas for new work, and titles for new pieces, the chickenscrath half cursive half print starts to journey down my forearm. Art is ink poisoning. Unable to escape, I succumb to it. Art is a plantation owner. Everything I own has the byproduct of art making clung to it like barnacles. A constant reminder. Paint has tainted everywhere I frequent. From the paint on my dress shoes, to the blue stain in the concrete on my front porch 10 miles from the studio. It has ravaged my entire existance, infecting all my belongings with little colorful spots. Art is herpes.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

a month's worth of quotes

Shaun - After this beer, I've had every beer they have on tap.
Smitty - How many beers do they have on tap?
Shaun - 22.

Jay - How come all you drink is Bud Light?
Smitty - I've got a simple mind and a simple taste. Bud Light. That should be a fucking commercial.

Shaun - It ain't easy being skanky.

Shaun - I like my beer cold and my women blurry.

Alex - Why are you so good with girls?
Shaun - It's because of my awesome-nicity, which translates to the second coming of Christ.

Shaun - I drink way less than you guys.
Smitty - Really?
Shaun - Yeah, except when I'm drinking.

Shaun - I have low standards and high self-esteem.

Smitty - If your gonna be a dick be a big one. I think it was Ben Franklin that said that.

Alex - You know what I just realized?
Sara - What?
Alex - I've been awesome my whole life.

Shaun - I am the reason girls shouldn't sleep around.

Shaun - What's so skanky about bangin?

Shaun - Hitler couldn't come up with more offensive shit.

Shaun - It makes me sick how awesome we are. I woke up this morning and vomited thinking about how badass we are.

Shaun - I'll make that bitch scream like Ann Frank, or wait which one was the deaf and blind one.
Smitty - Helen Keller.
Shaun - Yeah, I mean Helen Keller.

Shaun - Women are better? Fuck that! Who created fire? And the wheel? And children? Man created fire. Man created the wheel. And man forced women to have children.

Allison - Ouch Shaun!
Shaun - What?
Smitty - Dude, you just stepped on her foot.
Shaun - Whatever, they scream my name whether I fuck or not.

Shaun - Give me a minute. I'll hurt your feelings.

Smitty - What are you guys fighting about?
Shaun - Alex said he fucked my grandma.
Alex - No, I said she just blew me once.
Smitty - Is that why she always has a cold sore?

Alex - You know the best part about you sleeping on the bottom bunk?
Smitty - What?
Alex - I masterbate on top of you.

Allison - What the hell are you doing?
Alex - Taking off my pants.
Allison - Why?
Alex - I don't know.

Shaun - I just stumbled and I'm sitting down.

Jay - Be careful with that one. She looks like she'd fuck you til you bleed.

Alex - I'm a square peg in a round whole.

Shaun - The best part of having sex with that girl was learning her name.

Duane - Floyd?
Floyd - Shut up I'm talking to my friend.
Duane - Motherfucker, you don't have friends.
Floyd - I know. I had to go down the street to rent-a-buddy.

Duane - Shut the fuck up, I'll kill you!
Floyd - Faggot, your fixin to make me take off my shirt.

Shaun - I'm gonna write a love song called I don't love women I love sex.

Alex - When I drink this beer, I feel like I'm in abercrombie and fich.
Smitty - Really? I feel like I should be holding a basketball. Miller Chill the Gatorade of beer.