Wednesday, March 5, 2008

a month's worth of quotes

Shaun - After this beer, I've had every beer they have on tap.
Smitty - How many beers do they have on tap?
Shaun - 22.

Jay - How come all you drink is Bud Light?
Smitty - I've got a simple mind and a simple taste. Bud Light. That should be a fucking commercial.

Shaun - It ain't easy being skanky.

Shaun - I like my beer cold and my women blurry.

Alex - Why are you so good with girls?
Shaun - It's because of my awesome-nicity, which translates to the second coming of Christ.

Shaun - I drink way less than you guys.
Smitty - Really?
Shaun - Yeah, except when I'm drinking.

Shaun - I have low standards and high self-esteem.

Smitty - If your gonna be a dick be a big one. I think it was Ben Franklin that said that.

Alex - You know what I just realized?
Sara - What?
Alex - I've been awesome my whole life.

Shaun - I am the reason girls shouldn't sleep around.

Shaun - What's so skanky about bangin?

Shaun - Hitler couldn't come up with more offensive shit.

Shaun - It makes me sick how awesome we are. I woke up this morning and vomited thinking about how badass we are.

Shaun - I'll make that bitch scream like Ann Frank, or wait which one was the deaf and blind one.
Smitty - Helen Keller.
Shaun - Yeah, I mean Helen Keller.

Shaun - Women are better? Fuck that! Who created fire? And the wheel? And children? Man created fire. Man created the wheel. And man forced women to have children.

Allison - Ouch Shaun!
Shaun - What?
Smitty - Dude, you just stepped on her foot.
Shaun - Whatever, they scream my name whether I fuck or not.

Shaun - Give me a minute. I'll hurt your feelings.

Smitty - What are you guys fighting about?
Shaun - Alex said he fucked my grandma.
Alex - No, I said she just blew me once.
Smitty - Is that why she always has a cold sore?

Alex - You know the best part about you sleeping on the bottom bunk?
Smitty - What?
Alex - I masterbate on top of you.

Allison - What the hell are you doing?
Alex - Taking off my pants.
Allison - Why?
Alex - I don't know.

Shaun - I just stumbled and I'm sitting down.

Jay - Be careful with that one. She looks like she'd fuck you til you bleed.

Alex - I'm a square peg in a round whole.

Shaun - The best part of having sex with that girl was learning her name.

Duane - Floyd?
Floyd - Shut up I'm talking to my friend.
Duane - Motherfucker, you don't have friends.
Floyd - I know. I had to go down the street to rent-a-buddy.

Duane - Shut the fuck up, I'll kill you!
Floyd - Faggot, your fixin to make me take off my shirt.

Shaun - I'm gonna write a love song called I don't love women I love sex.

Alex - When I drink this beer, I feel like I'm in abercrombie and fich.
Smitty - Really? I feel like I should be holding a basketball. Miller Chill the Gatorade of beer.

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