i am depressed. lonely. scared. all the sudden i dont feel so great. my art sucks because i havent made anything. my writing sucks because i have written anything. i dont even want to go out side in the daylight. i hang out in my room in the dark, with a blanket over my window. not because i want to, i just do. i want to be in the dark, complete darkness like swimming in ink. that kind of dark. i want the only color i see to come forth when i touch my eyelids, and then explosions of red and yellow and white that quickly turn to blue and green and blackness again. fireworks on summer nights on a blanket on the grass.
i believe all of this has come out of my not working. the ideas i come up with seem good at the time but then i put too much thought into them and decide that they are crap. i guess this is part of the process. its like being constipated because i cant give a shit. i hate being constipated. contipation of the mind, body and mouth. the shit is inside me but i cant expell it. i need a creative laxative. CREAT-O-LAX. where do you buy it? hope its not expensive.
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smitty
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4 comments:
hah creat-o-Lax has me laughing. if you get bored or need some raw material to work on Im trying to get into painting more. Im investing in a welder too. If you want to hang out just call me like that night sarah did. Im still in Kentucky
hello jeff. hope you find a creat-o-Lax very soon. I was having the same problem recently. Everything i came up with seem good at that time but then if i started working on them, they turned out to be horrible. Well this book helped me alot. You probably have read it already but read it again. "Art and Fear by David Bayles and Ted Orland." Good luck.
Actually I think it is very common with everyone when they get out of school. We are so programed to have assignments that when we don't have them, we somehow suffer. Now is the time when we make art for ourselves and it is a very scary experience. I know this is what happened last time I went to school and I had it happen this time were I was actually somewhat depressed. But what I know is now it is truly time time find my voice, not via a crit or teacher, but from truly within.
i read writer's biographies or 'how to writes' and feel better. often they make me laugh in self recognition.
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